27 Jul 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Stress Tags: relationships, Stress
Tut, tut…it looks like rain.
I don’t know what it is, but the last couple of weeks have been really hard for me. People ask me what’s wrong, why I’m crabby or upset and I try to tell them. But putting it in words, just makes me feel selfish and petty. Little things bug me lately. I can’t seem to not sweat the small stuff. I read the comments and the quotes about choosing happiness…and I do in small increments of time, but right now…it’s so hard.
I was mowing my lawn last week…and with all that “alone time”, all I could do was, literally, seethe about all the things currently irritating me (one being the fact that I was mowing the lawn.) Suddenly, I became aware that my whole thought process was about how angry I was…about stupid little things. I looked up in the sky and directly above me was a dark black cloud that was churning and moving. My first thought was…rain. And then I noticed that nowhere else in the sky were there even clouds. That this little black rain cloud had developed right over my yard, me….and my very negative thoughts. It was a haunting awareness of my thoughts and my state of mind. I worked hard for the remainder of time that I was mowing to think of other happier things…and the little black rain cloud slowly broke itself up, without ever truly raining.
I’ve tried in recent days to remove myself from this place. I have a lot of people that are relying on me heavily right now…and that prevents me from being able to really address what I need to with me. More notably, I’m aware that there are people that want to help, but my inability to feel secure about what’s really bugging me prevents me from asking or allowing for help. I’m hopeful that as the stresses of this week draw to a close, I’ll be allowed a little time for me…to work on me, to build me up again…to really hear what is bugging me, so I can work it out and move beyond this.
I really don’t like to think of myself as sad, depressed or unhappy. In general, I’m not. But every once in awhile, a little black rain cloud parks itself, beligerantly, over my head. Somedays, it’s all I can do to look up at that little cloud and pray for it not to rain down on me.
Weathering the Storm,
Angi
30 Mar 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Hobbies Tags: Stress, working out
Just a year ago, I was a gym rat. Then life some how got in the way. I don’t know what happened, exactly. First my spinning class was canceled. Then summer hit. Then work took more time in the day than there was hours. Then surgery. Then my friend died. All along I’ve been working out, but that’s so different than being a gym rat. And I really WANT to be a gym rat again. I just don’t remember how to get there. I don’t remember how to LOVE it. And all of those things that slowed me down, still exist. I’m stuck. I had planned on spending some of my hard earned bonus and tax return on something that would inspire a commitment out of me. A constant commitment. I want to do more than just run on the treadmill or put in an hour on the stairclimber. I want to do more than the 30 day shred. I know it’s awesome. I know the results are good, but I want MORE. I want more, theoretically. I want to WANT to go to the gym. I want to WANT to meet a trainer. I went on Sunday, and it was a rush. I worked out yesterday at home, despite not really having time. I will go to the gym today and try to find a way to go tomorrow. Day by day and week by week…I will become a gym rat again.
Re-building a habit,
Angi
18 Feb 2010
by Worth Itin Stress Tags: Stress, work
This week I was out of town, away from my family, to attend business meetings for work. Each meeting was more sad and depressing than the last. We’re making no money, we’re laying people off, we’re broken and don’t know how to fix it. So I sat in room full of 31 men and me for two days…eating, just to get by. I wanted to feel motivated to come back and turn the ship around. I wanted to be fired up that we were going to find a way through this. I wanted my leader to tell me, we are going to power through this and find ourselves better for it on the back side. That didn’t happen.
Next month, I have a similar type meeting with my employees. I will make a mental note now, that they will leave the meeting energized, fired up and ready to make something happen. Middle management sucks, but that doesn’t mean I can’t light my own fire and hope that we can fan the flames enough to turn morale around.
Because, I’m good enough.
I’m smart enough.
And doggone it, people like me.
Furiously fire starting,
Stewart Smalley (Angi)
12 Feb 2010
by Worth Itin Stress Tags: hysterectomy, sex, Stress
The week after Christmas I had a total hysterectomy, it was laparoscopic, so my recovery was quick. Except that my best friend died 12 days after my surgery. Not wanting to be alone with myself meant I was doing way too much, way too soon. I went back to work, part time, to distract myself. After my first days back, my boss asked the impossible, start thinking about putting together a plan to reduce staff, if needed. No specifics, just do it. With all these stressors, I needed to relieve stress. My two favorite ways to relieve stress are sex and working out. Since I was still on a restriction from sex, I ran. Which tore my internal stitches, caused bleeding and set back my recovery a ways. This is the long way for me to say that on Monday I was finally released from six weeks of pure hell (pelvic rest) and now I am once again relieving stress, the RIGHT way…SEX. Daily. Cuz, that’s how I roll.
How do you alleviate stress?
Bow-legged, but blithe,
Angi
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