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TwitterSearch for the Holy Grail
12 Aug 2010 1 Comment
in Family, Happiness, Love Tags: Love, parenting
Since the day my oldest was born, I’ve been on the quest for the holy grail to earn the title of BEST MOM. EVER! We all do, to some extent. I, myself, am not competing with you specifically. I merely have an image of what a mom is supposed to be for her children, and I dream big. I have set a bar so high, that no one could rightfully reach it all the time. But I began striving immediately….Of course I would breastfeed. I made baby food from scratch for both of my babies. I didn’t put my career on hold, but it certainly played second fiddle. I read to them every night. I taught them to listen and appreciate music. I make elaborate birthday cakes or creative parties. I have sewn them , because we couldn’t find ones that they really wanted. I have searched high and low to create perfect made from scratch Halloween costumes. We eat dinner together, and usually it’s healthy food…but sometimes we just eat cereal for dinner. I laugh with them, play with them and most importantly discipline them so that they can grow up to be good human beings. Despite work requiring much of my time, I make commitments to my kids, in writing, that I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that the fact that their mother works they will not hinder them from being kids or participating in things. Sometimes that gets me in trouble at work, but to me, it’s worth it. I go on field trips with their schools, I meet them for lunch…because some day they won’t want me to. I watch my daughter in her dance class, when the studio allows. I’m sure I have other errands I should be running, but it means so much to both of us when I can be there. I support my son completely in his quest for his black belt. So much so that I trained with him to keep him pushing for bigger and better. It’s almost fun to do push-ups, sit ups or run…when you’re doing it to help your son become more than he is today. I sit at the table and do their homework with them, or review it when their done. I am present…even when it’s hard to be.
Some days, that bar I set seems so far out of my reach. I lose my temper. I yell when I should just walk away. I don’t leave us enough time and get all panicky and shouty when we’re running late. I CAN’T. STAND. THEIR. FIGHTING…and so I send them to their rooms for alone time, or make them sit on the couch and hold hands until I’m no longer frustrated. I forget things…lunches, bookfair money, early school dismissals, you know the drill. My biggest regret in my children’s life is that they will, for the rest of their lives, have two homes. In the days when my divorce was imminent, I don’t think that in my mind, I could even see the bar from where I was. But I made sure that I found a place that would be home for them. They each had their own room with their name over the door. There would be no mistake that they belonged and that it was home. It seems that it never gets easier, sharing custody of them. I never want to see them go. I call them every night they’re with their father. I regret not being able to read to them before bed (yes, even at 11 and 7 we still do that) tuck them in those nights and kiss my daughter’s head or ruffly my son’s hair. I am sad because I know that their father does not do these things with them.
What I have learned is that in this quest for the perfect mother award, I have tripped and fallen on my face more than I care to admit. I regret that I have to share my time with them and them with me. I have to be careful not to let these small moments keep me down. Because, what I do know is this…
I am the best mother for them that I know how to be.
I love them unconditionally.
Children need both a mother and a father…and while he may not nurture them like I do…I sure as hell am not going to pick up a snake and teach them all that I can about it.
No matter how much I want it, I will never be perfect; no one is. But I do know that I am the perfect mother for my children.
I may never win Mother of the Year accolades, but when my children look back on their childhood, they will remember me. Always by their side. Cheering them on. Teaching them right from wrong. Holding their hands. Treating their wounds. Laughing with them. Loving them wholly for who they are. For that, I will gladly accept an Honorable Mention.
