The trial starts tomorrow. There’s so many things in the media about this woman and I know enough to know that I don’t know what I believe. There are things I know in my heart to be true.
1. My ex is a good guy.
2. He’s smart
3. He loves our kids.
4. I will go to no end, to make sure my kids are safe and loved.
The woman that is now his fiance has been in jail since late July, charged in a home-invasion-gone-wrong-killing from 10 years ago. She says she was attacked and did what she had to in order to defended herself and her three kids. Recently, they’ve found “evidence” that says she may have planned this “home invasion”/ murder. I don’t know what to think about that, and without the evidence, I just try to imagine being attacked in my own home with my kids there. I’m sure I’d do almost anything to protect them. (I’m WAY afraid of guns, so my anything and her anything are vastly different, however. )
The scary part for me, lies less in the details of that night, but more in the details of her life that have been dredged up because of this trial.
She shot this man 9 times with two guns, 3 times in the back of the head while he was laying face down on the floor. (presumably dead) YIKES.
She’s been divorced twice. Not in and of itself wrong, because who am I to judge divorces…but each time, she’s accused her former husband of awful, awful allegations that have never come to be proven. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, attempted murder.
She’s accused her dentist of assaulting her while she was under his care.
She’s changed her name and maybe even her children’s names to hide them from their father.
MY kids know all kinds of things about her divorces, her exes, and her emotions.
She’s used her children as pawns in her divorces.
She’s blamed a lack of child support payments on subpar necessities for her children, all the while carrying expensive handbags and driving a Lexus.
She has multiple passports, under multiple names.
I don’t like to judge people. I wonder, even worry to some extent, that all her stories and allegations might be true. If they are, she’s had a HARD life…and I’d want all the right things for her. I’d want the insanity to stop. And if she’s really been treated this poorly her entire life, she deserves someone as gentle and supportive as my ex husband.
But, I can’t help but wonder…what if he vexes her? What horrible thing will she try to pin on him?And what if after hearing all the evidence, what if I can no longer give her the benefit of the doubt? What if I become the person in her cross hairs in trying to protect my children? And what has she already done, that my ex is not asking himself these same questions? I care about him, as the father of my children, he NEEDS to be safe and sane. I don’t want to take my kids away from their father.
This woman they know as their future-step-mother is important to my kids. They want her to be safe and freed. They have heard her side from their dad. This weekend, they asked me a lot of questions, many I couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. I just stressed to them that their dad needed our support, to be there to lift him up during this time that would be really stressful to him. I emphasized to them that there are two sides to every story…and just as the story they’ve heard from her, via their dad, was not 100% correct, neither would the prosecutions story be 100% correct. I explained to them that it was merely a case of he said, she said…and he was dead. And the trial would be similar to when I walk in to break up their fights, two very different stories would be told and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
I’m trying SO hard to be open minded. I’m trying so hard to be patient, kind and supportive of their father, because that’s been the way we’ve dealt with this divorce from day one. I’m trying to give this woman the benefit of the doubt. But, I’m tired…tired of being nice, tired of being patient, tired of not screaming “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?”, tired of worrying that in the future I’ll have a very scary “Now, what?” type of decision.
I’ve been sailing through these crap infested waters for months now, I just wish I had the paddle to get us all out of here safely.