That’s right, you heard me, Exercise kills your sex life.
What? You don’t agree? Well I have PROOF! Let me lay out the facts for you.
About 3 months ago, the man approached me about starting a kickboxing class at 6 am EVERY morning (except Sunday, my new favorite day) I agreed at the time, and also may have mentioned that it would be the end of our then very active sex life. It was all bravado. All smack talk. Just trying to get a rise out of him, if you know what I mean.
It was tough, and getting used to getting up at very early o’clock did hamper things quite a bit. I mean morning sex was out, because we were barely awake as we’d stumble out to the truck at 5:30 am. Evening sex was out because we were staring at each other at 7:30 hoping we could convince the kids it was much later and that they needed to go to bed. By the time the kids were actually asleep in bed, we’d already been mentally asleep for hours. Eventually, we worked out a new routine some mornings, but it just wasn’t what it once had been. And then came RAGBRAI. (For those of you who don’t know, it’s a week long 500+ mile bicycle ride across Iowa. It’s 1/3 bicycling, 1/3 beer, and 1/3 fresh baked pie) I didn’t go, but the man did. And he returned a broken man. I don’t know if you can imagine what happens to a guy who’s riding his bicycle about 65 miles a day for 7 days in a row…but yeah, that. Now, when he’s driving me crazy, I can call him “numb nuts” and he can’t complain. *WIN*
Many of you might be saying, that doesn’t seem like it would be all bad. And in fact, there is an upside…when we do find time to “get a little”, it’s never over quickly….EVER. So, the quickies that were getting us through the day…GONE.
So don’t exercise folks….it messes with your routine, it numbs your ass and other useful areas, it steals your energy for even a quickie before bed.
I’m telling you friends, this exercise crap is deadly…it can kill your sex life faster than you can say…numb nuts. So I’m back to surfing the web for a spectacular new “battery operated boyfriend” for me and a urologist for him.
If I can save even one happy sex life or prevent just one pair of balls from going completely and utterly numb, by sharing my story, well then I have done my part…
Thinking only of naked Ryan Reynolds sans crushed nuts you