My Own Personal Goat Rodeo

04 May 2010 No Comments

by Worth Itin Girl Talk, Stress Tags: ,

My very first trip to the gynecologist was a nightmare. I was fifteen, young by some standards, but my girl problems started early. My doctor entered the room, announced that he had a student with him.  (I was young, and didn’t realize that I could request the student not be there. ) Then he brought in the nurse, who was  a female, so that he could touch me without legal accusations making me feel uncomfortable. Just as he’s getting ready to insert the speculum duckbills, he realizes he has no KY jelly.  He ungloves to look for a new tube, finding none, he sends the nurse to find one.  At this point, the doctor, the resident and I all stare awkwardly at my feet dressed in little socks with pink, fuzzy balls on the back  resting in the stirrups.  Waiting…

At the nurse’s return with the LARGEST tube of KY Jelly I’ve EVER seen, they all proceed to “glove up” again.  As doc gets the lid off he realizes that there is still the foil safety seal on top…all three of them tried once with their gloves on to get the foil seal off the top.  Not one of them succeeded…so they handed it to me…the wide-eyed, sixteen year old girl in stirrups for the FIRST. TIME. EVER. to remove the foil seal.  I did and handed it back to my doctor. 

The remainder of the appoinment after that was a blur.  What’s not a blur, is walking out to my mom in the waiting room and upon her asking if everything went ok, I simply replied. “It was a fucking THREE RING CIRCUS.”

And that was the first time I ever cursed at my mother…that I can remember…

Because saying shit in a Mc Donald’s at age three doesn’t count. 

And if it does count, then it was HER fault…so then it doesn’t count again.

But that’s a story for another day.