Thanks to Karen, I’ve spent a lot of time over the last two weeks envisioning what I want for the future. I’m knee deep in her Pathfinder’s class and I’m loving it. Balancing being a wife, mother and unhappy middle manager has been a challenge. I know that I’m unhappy at work, but it seemed to me that if I went in search of the next job, all it would be is a step in a direction away from what’s making me unhappy, instead of taking steps towards a real LOVE for my job. So, I decided it was time to find out what I love, what moves me, so I’d know better what the right next step might be. As I find myself looking at things that make me happy. They’re all right in front of me. My husband, my family, my friends, the people who work for me.
I’m finding that my unhappiness stems from the commotion and agitation of some of the other people around me. My ex-husband and his fiance battling first degree murder charges in court and the effect on my kids and I. The change wave at work, that while overall positive, is causing many around me to feel uncomfortable, threatened even. But these things….they’re not mine to own. This is not my commotion or unrest. Finding a way to ensure that my heart and mind stay serene and calm while paddling through other people’s storms…that’s the challenge.
So for my next 12 months, I’ll be thinking, living, breathing, tranquility. My house will be a tranquil reserve for my children to forget about the drama in their father’s life. My office will be a quiet reserve for others to come, work through the changes, find the beauty in making more of a historic company. I will work to make my mind calm, collected in my thoughts, and un-panicked by those around me. And my heart will remain still with the knowledge that I’ve found someone who walks through life with me, holding my hand, encouraging me to be more, while assuring me that I am and always will be enough.