10 Jun 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Wedding Tags: Dress Quest 2010, Wedding
So…I’m getting married.
…
…
…
WOW! I am still letting that set in. But, now that there is a prospective date, I’m VERY excited. This time around, the details of the wedding seem like more chores and annoyances, because I am not focused on the day. I’m focused on forever. It’s a good thing. One thing that is a huge annoyance is finding THE dress. You see, I found it….on the interwebz. It looks like this.
What I can’t find is WHERE I can try on and hopefully buy that dress. I am giving it my all, though. I will travel far and wide to find that dress. I will make phone calls to bridal shops up to 300 miles away to see if they have it in their stores. I have tried on several other dresses but they just aren’t that one. I have enlisted the help of my very best friend to FIND. THIS. DRESS.
Woe will be me, if I find it and I hate the way it looks on me…..
Relentlessly Searching,
Angi
26 May 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Music Tags: live music, Sandi
In Loving Memory of Sandi
21 May 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Hobbies, Love Tags: Our Mike, Sandi, working out
Tonight I go in to take my first ever “BEFORE” photo. I will be in a swimsuit. FOR. A. PHOTO. Uh….CRAP! I don’t like pictures of myself in a swimsuit when I’m at a reasonable weight. I am NOT, currently, at a reasonable weight for me. But, I think the way to take this seriously and understand the life changes I have to make, I NEED to do this. So today, I take a picture.
Tomorrow, after going to the Goo Goo Dolls concert outdoors tonight. I go to do a pre-session physical capability test. Run a mile, do sit ups for one minute, do push ups for one minute, weigh in, take measurements, etc. (Clearly beer consumption will be limited, at best.)
THEN, after that, I am going to attempt to learn how to golf via instruction from my boyfriend and his buddy. I do NOT do well with being taught to do anything. CRAP! But, I HAVE to learn because my company golf outing is in two weeks and I have to take the place of my best friend. I have learned how to make bomb pop shots and will make breakfast burritos, so, although they are big shoes to fill….all that’s left is the “learning how to golf thing”. I’m really counting on getting those around me drunk enough that I don’t have to worry about it.
Why do I do this stuff to myself???
Masochistic Kisses,
Angi
18 May 2010
by Worth Itin Pursuing Wine Tags: Wine Review
A new wine review page…
In an effort to continue giving me things to write about and add new reasons to enjoy a glass of wine at the end of the day, I’m starting my own wine review. Notice the new page, Pursuing Wine. I look forward to sharing many a delicious bottle with you.
In the Spirit of Bacchus, God of Wine,
Much Love,
Angi
13 May 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Happiness, Love Tags: Five for Ten, Love, Our Mike, parenting, working out
Having a partner that wakes you up for a 5:00 AM kickboxing class…because he knows that you will both have fun doing it together…and getting up and giving it your all, because you DO enjoy working out together.
Getting a Mother’s Day card from your daughter that simply states…”You make me smile”…and telling her that the sight of her face and the sound of her voice do the same thing for you everyday.
Flowers brought home and put in a vase, for no reason…and stopping to smell them, each time you pass by.
When your son is in a snuggling mood all day….even when he’s 11…and not letting the length of your to-do list push him away.
Coming home from the longest day ever, to find that the dishwasher has been emptied and reloaded…and thanking your family for helping to carry the load.
Being greeted at the door by your pets when you get home…they missed you so much while you were gone…and taking a moment to pet each one.
The smile from your kids when you show up somewhere they don’t expect you…and realizing that merely the sight of you brightened their day.
Being wrapped up in your lover’s arms… and taking the time to hug back.
Seeing your kids play together…without fighting…and stopping for a moment to enjoy the show.
When your best friend sends you a note, just to say she’s thinking of you…and taking the time to tell her you’re lucky to have her in your life.
Every day, something happens that allows for happiness. Choosing to acknowledge it, feel it and let it consume you is the difference between being happy and pursuing happy. It’s the everyday small things, that if we take the time to recognize how they make us feel, will keep us fulfilled and happy.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault
11 May 2010
by Worth Itin Uncategorized
Last Summer, under the guise of challenging myself, I climbed Long’s Peak with my boyfriend and his friend. It was awesome, amazing and scary as HELL. The first day we went to go test our altitude tolerance and put in a good hike. We did an 8 hour hike, to the most amazing place on earth.
I would do this hike any hour of any day…it was perfect.
The next two days, we spent venturing leisurely around Estes Park.
And then came D day. Not only were we going to climb a 14,ooo ft mountain, but also my period started. God help the men that were going to force accompany me on this journey. We woke up at 1:30 in the morning to get started early. It’s important, after all, to up and back below tree line before the afternoon thunderstorms roll through. As we were pulling up to the trailhead, in the road were three huge elk. It was a beautiful start. The early part of the hike was gorgeous. The temperature was cool, the moon was full, and the view was amazing. When we turned to wrap around the back of the mountain, we were above the clouds as the sun was rising. It was a completely surreal moment.
After this, the positive surreal moments are few and far between. I should have mentioned that I have a rather severe fear of heights…the moment that we crossed over the boulder field and through the keyhole, my fun ended. We went across the ledges, through the narrows and made it to the home stretch. I cried frequently, real tears. My uterus, in it’s angry state reminded me repeatedly that I had babies at home that did not want to grow up without a mother. It was HARD. It was painful. I wanted to quit no fewer than 10 times.
I lived through this…
And this…
And this…
I don’t think I’d ever do it again…because I was truly afraid. Significantly afraid. But, my boyfriend has told me time and time again, how proud he was of my courage and my determination to follow through a 13 hour hike, better than half of which was WAY outside my comfort zone, because I wanted to push myself. Every inch of us hurt by the time we got back down that mountain, we were exhausted, and we were STARVING. It was a trek, a trial and a complete triumph. Stupidity or courage, either way, I’ll never forget.
10 May 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Love Tags: Five for Ten
My ex husband wasn’t abusive. He wasn’t unfaithful. And he didn’t steal or drive us into insurmountable debt. But he wasn’t present….ever. When we first got married, he said he worked all the time so that when we had kids he’d be comfortable in his career path. Then after my son was born, he had a very important job, that mandated overnight work and often resulted in “emergent” situations. Plus, I had it handled. Then we moved, so that he could take a new job, one that wouldn’t require him to be at the office so many hours. Only that didn’t work out, because he started traveling and playing multiple intramural sports. Then we moved back “home”, so that I could get some help with the kids and he could try again to find a job that didn’t require endless hours at the office. I moved with the kids alone, for three months, then the job he took required that he travel….100%. He came home every other weekend to catch up on sleep and do his laundry. I raised the kids, worked full time and got my master’s degree all while he lived in Indianapolis or Houston or Minneapolis.
All along I made it work. I made my own family wherever we lived. I had dinner with my friends multiple times per week. I’d cook just so they’d come over and hang out with us. I found family for us wherever we went. My daughter grew up for the first 4 years of her live with her father living somewhere else and just visiting. It was a constant struggle. But surviving that was not the courageous part. Deciding to leave, deciding that my kids and I both deserved better was the courageous part.
I fretted over the relationship not working. I hated myself for wanting to leave a man who wasn’t abusive or evil in some way. But I hated being ignored, insignificant and alone. When he was out of town, he didn’t call or email. He’d call every couple of days at nearly midnight and try to talk. (I’m a morning person…and not 12 am morning…so THIS was not working) I felt unimportant. I felt like I served purposes for him that were merely secretarial in nature. We tried to understand each other. We tried talking about how I felt unhappy and alone. He couldn’t understand that. His answer was that he was working for all of us to have a roof over our head, etc. I tried to explain that I’d live with a smaller roof and less stuff, if it meant I had a partner. We talked at each other a lot. We didn’t communicated…we didn’t, either one of us, feel loved or respected. And so, we separated…and two years later, we divorced.
It was the hardest and best decision I’ve ever had the courage to make. My kids now spend 50% of their time with their father. He doesn’t travel except on the days that I have the kids. He’s made some very significant life changes so that he is available to them. I can’t say that there isn’t something there that doesn’t hurt. That it took me saying enough, for him to finally make the needed changes, stings. But my kids get to grow up with their dad, and for that I am eternally grateful.
And I, finally have a partner. Someone who shares the load with me. Who loves me unconditionally. Who looks forward to coming home and talking with me every night. I have someone who wants to provide emotional, physical, social AND economic support. And if that means we don’t have the HUGEST house or the most toys….we’re okay with that, because we have love and support.
There are many who think that divorce is a result of being weak or cowardice; even once, that might have been me. And it’s not what I consider ideal. I wish that my kids’ Dad and I had made a better team, but I can tell you without a doubt that both he and I are happier. That my kids are loved beyond their wildest imagination. And that the courage I had to admit defeat, gave them their father and gave me the chance to know real love.
Join me and the others at Momalom for Five for Ten.
06 May 2010
by Worth Itin Uncategorized
A four dog morning…..
I was at work about 30 minutes, in a deep conversation with a coworker, when my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail and continued my conversation. In the next 10 minutes my phone rang two more times, one more number I didn’t recognize and then the first phone number again….something is certainly not right. So I answer the phone.
ME: “Hello?”
Her: “Hi, This is Jill*. I have your dog.”
(This is where I should pause and tell you that my house is the Brady Bunch house of dogs… I had two and Mike had two…so we have FOUR dogs, LAWD help us!)
Me:”Which one? Where are you?”
Her:”Her tag says, Sully. There were four dogs that ran past here, but this is the only one I could get. She appears to be dragging her back leg like she’s been hurt, but I don’t see any blood.”
ME: “She’s 14, and arthritic. She always drags that leg. Where are you?”
Her: “153rd and Pacific”
Me: “Oh gosh, let me get help and I’ll call you right back”
Me: *head desk*
Four dogs on the loose? CRAP! I call Mike to see if MAYBE he’s still near the house…no luck, he’s already at work downtown. So I grab my purse and my keys and I head out to my car. It’s a 20 minute drive back into the city from my office. I was wearing heels and a short skirt. I was not in proper dog chasing attire…but I was going to brave it. As I drove into the neighborhood, I looked all around hoping I’d just happen up on them on my way to get the old dog. No luck. I stop at Jill’s house to pick up my crippled old dog. She says to me that someone may have called the Humane Society as there were people walking in the park in the neighborhood. I dejectedly put Sullly in the car and took her to the house. At this point it’s 9 am and I realize that I have my very important conference call. So I put on my headset, dial into the call and put the phone on mute. Hoping the call goes quickly and I don’t have to say anything…because how will I chase dogs and conduct business???
I returned out to the neighborhood, walking through grass that was still dewey in my satin pumps. I whistled for the dogs, called their names and searched. I was constantly checking and rechecking my phone to make sure it was on mute….as I wasn’t sure how I would explain the whistling…or the loud calls of various names, “Brutus…Brody…Brianna” (I was also cursing the fact that all our dogs names were so similar, it was easy to get tongue tied and yell for Broooty, which just made me sound idiotic.) As I turned the corner, I happened upon Brutus and Brianna…they were together and they were ecstatic to see me. I was happy to have found them relatively quickly and even happier that they followed me home.
At this point, I was pretty proud of myself, I’d been away from work for 40 minutes and had 3 dogs back in the house. I closed the gate and set out to find the little dog, Brody.
Maybe I should explain the little dog. He’s half Jack Russel Terrior/ half Daschund and ALL energy. If he spots an open door, he runs. He preys on the weak and slow, frequently. We take him to the dog park to run out energy and he tires out ALL the dogs there. This running is a B-A-D thing when he gets out in the open air. (This *may* happen often)
So I was heading out prepared. I’d look for other dogs, open garages or people walking, because those are the things that Brody will go up to…and I’d stand a chance. For 30 minutes, I searched…well I mean the damn dog was in my sights the WHOLE time, but I couldn’t find any of those things that would trap him. I walked through damp yards, ruining my satin shoes. I tried to look under bushes and trees, which was not easy in my short dress. I stopped once, because the conference call was getting a little intense and my input required more than one or two words at a time. I didn’t want to have to explain, heavy breathing, whistling or any of the other strange sounds that may have been coming out of me, in my attempt to wrangle this damn little dog. In my haste to leave, I did not grab a coat and I was getting chilled. It was a nightmare. I’d lunge to grab him and pray not to fall into the wet grass or moist dirt. More importantly, when I was behind the wheel of my car and he was running along side, I tried desperately to keep from gunning it and running the little turd over. Finally, I saw that he was getting tired, so I pushed him back to the house. Then I opened the gate back up and I waited…sure enough, within 3 minutes he wandered into the backyard and lay down under the tree. I closed the gate, feeling worn out but victorious.
I returned to work, still on my conference call only one hour and 20 minutes after having left….and 40 minutes of it was drive time.
The morale of the story is to make sure the side gate is closed before opening the dog door for the day. And if you don’t, be prepared to buy your girlfriend new shoes when she runs home to save the day.
*Jill’s name has been changed because I don’t actually remember what she said.
04 May 2010
by Worth Itin Girl Talk, Stress Tags: cursing, girl parts
My very first trip to the gynecologist was a nightmare. I was fifteen, young by some standards, but my girl problems started early. My doctor entered the room, announced that he had a student with him. (I was young, and didn’t realize that I could request the student not be there. ) Then he brought in the nurse, who was a female, so that he could touch me without legal accusations making me feel uncomfortable. Just as he’s getting ready to insert the speculum duckbills, he realizes he has no KY jelly. He ungloves to look for a new tube, finding none, he sends the nurse to find one. At this point, the doctor, the resident and I all stare awkwardly at my feet dressed in little socks with pink, fuzzy balls on the back resting in the stirrups. Waiting…
At the nurse’s return with the LARGEST tube of KY Jelly I’ve EVER seen, they all proceed to “glove up” again. As doc gets the lid off he realizes that there is still the foil safety seal on top…all three of them tried once with their gloves on to get the foil seal off the top. Not one of them succeeded…so they handed it to me…the wide-eyed, sixteen year old girl in stirrups for the FIRST. TIME. EVER. to remove the foil seal. I did and handed it back to my doctor.
The remainder of the appoinment after that was a blur. What’s not a blur, is walking out to my mom in the waiting room and upon her asking if everything went ok, I simply replied. “It was a fucking THREE RING CIRCUS.”
And that was the first time I ever cursed at my mother…that I can remember…
Because saying shit in a Mc Donald’s at age three doesn’t count.
And if it does count, then it was HER fault…so then it doesn’t count again.
But that’s a story for another day.
03 May 2010
by Worth Itin Getting Started, Hobbies, Love Tags: Getting Started
Last Friday, I had a discussion via Twitter, with PrincessJenn. It all started when someone was looking for design help. I piped up and said that PrincessJenn was “teh awesome”. We exchanged just a few quick pleasantries, but the senitment stayed with me all day. I mentioned that when I became a “real blogger” I would have her redesign this place. She said this, and it started me thinking. Why wait? I’d love to be a real blogger, honestly. But, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see a blogger.
I see myself as the middle management executive in a huge company…working painstakingly for “the man”.
I see myself as a pretty awesome Mom to two very awesome children.
I think I make a decent girlfriend, as long as you can handle the occasional undefined bad mood…and the drama that I don’t FEEL like I bring on myself. 
I am a sister and a daughter to two AMAZING women…and am lucky to be considered a BFF by two fabulous friends.
But I feel like an imposter in the blogging world. I love this place and this one too. I love to write. I I want to be able to tell a story as beautifully as Maggie, take amazing, beautiful one of a kind photos that tell real stories like Casey, stir emotion like Heather, make people laugh like Shauna or prove a point like Jenn. I don’t…yet. I’ve decided that writing/blogging is like anything else in life. You have to put in the time and you have to practice. Maybe someday, when I grow up, I’ll be able to tell a story like all of the amazing women I’ve found on the internet. But for now, I’m going to practice. I’m going to use ALL of your voices as inspiration to do something that I love, simply because I love it. And mark my words someday, Princess Jenn will make this site…AMAZING.
Inspired to write,
Angi
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