We spent an hour last night talking about a “perfectly square hole” in the ceiling tiles in one of his classrooms. He can’t help but think about why it might be there. It’s obviously intentional, based on the perfectness of it. It’s been there all year, why hasn’t it been repaired? Maybe it needs to be open. What goes in there? What comes out? Why? A camera? A sprinkler? An inspection port? What would they be inspecting?

His mind never shuts down…ever. We talk about this more. We talk about what distracts him from hearing what’s going on in the classroom. We’ve talked about how this makes him different from his friends. And how this makes him the same. Here are some things that I’ve learned from really listening to him:

He can’t not notice something…anything that’s different or unexpected in his environment.

• If he does notice it, he thinks through all the reasons it might possibly different or unexpected.
• He loves that about his brain.
• He feels his creativity and his ability to connect to seemingly DIFFERENT ideas are the center of who he is.
• He’s trained his brain to recognize when he’s NOT on Concerta, so that he can flag these thoughts and try to push them aside until school is out. This effort is exhausting to him.
• He wants sitting through school to be easier.

It’s amazing how self aware he is. I listen to him explain to his doctors what his days are like and how the medication makes him feel. His stories are detailed, specific and filled with emotion. And his doctors are patient because his stories are SO VERY LONG. But this path that I worried so much about taking, he’s storming it. My son has taken control of his life. He’s got nearly straight As again, he’s gained the respect and found the respect of teachers he battled so hard against earlier this year. I couldn’t be more proud of him.

Now, to push him to fix his one poor grade. In Art. How does one get so far behind in art? It’s rhetorical, one only needs to be Will. But with some creativity, some passion and a lot of love…he’ll catch up.

He’s got this.

Yesterday, instead of  just recognizing and acknowledging the beautiful sunrise, I turned down a seldom used road and took some photos.

It was beautiful…and the way I felt inside was even more so.

**This photo was taken as a part of Karen’s Gratitude.2012 Project.

Have you joined? It’s never too late to be thankful.

This year, it got worse.

He’s always been smart. In fact, he’s smarter than most. He has more in common with Sheldon Cooper than he does with his father or me. We figured, over time, the other students would catch up.  That eventually he’d fall into place with everyone else.That has not been the case, with grades, or with behavior. This year, we got him counseling. During all the chaos, he struggled even more with school. He became extremely depressed. Life got HARD. Shame on me for waiting for pure hell to get him help. The counseling has helped me to see that my son definitely struggles with attention more than most. It wasn’t a “phase”. It wasn’t because he was “just being a boy”. He CAN’T concentrate.

So now what?

We didn’t want to medicate him. We don’t want to change the cool kid he is. I am afraid that he’ll lose his edge, his humor and his quirkiness. His dad is afraid that he’ll be labeled, treated differently, and written off. But since we waited so long, he’s really old enough to start weighing in on these decisions. So we talked about what he heard. We talked about whether we should visit the psychiatrist, in addition to the therapist. We talked about whether he wanted to try being medicated. His answer…

“Mom, I want to try, but I don’t want it to take away my creativity.”

And so, with that, we’ll make the appointment.  We’re all afraid of what it means, but we’re in this together. We all want the same outcome.

And above all, we ALL want him to stay the amazing, smart, quirky kid he is today. We just want it to be easier to be him.

Much thanks to Karen, for making me see the beauty in everything around me.

I’ve read lots of blog posts lately about the little degrading voice we all have.  And I’ve had some very public battles with mine lately. (Telling my little voice to “Pipe down, I got this”, while on the treadmill makes people look at you like you’re nuts. Just turn up your headphones…it’s fine)  But lately, I’ve been listening to another voice. Once that tells me that I can do more. That I have something special to offer.  That my story, while ordinary to me, is a bit extraordinary. And people need to hear what I have to say. I don’t know how to do it, yet. I don’t know if I will share my story here or in a more direct setting. I do know that I *may* have discovered that thing that sets me apart.  That spirit I carry, to overcome, persevere and make a bad situation better.  I do know that there a people that need to hear it, that WANT to hear it. I know that I can help people, which is all I’ve ever wanted.

Now, how do I make this little voice louder…without people thinking I’m nuts?

I have always made resolutions. Usually, they’re about losing weight or exercising more. This year, I’m doing it differently. I’m picking things that mean something to me.
1. Run 365 miles in 2012.
2. Publish 52 photos on my blog. Once a week…based on whatever new photography trick, tip or basic that I’m learning that week.
3. Drink more green tea, eat more fish, and dark chocolate.
4. Maintain my love for Pinterest.

My 2012 is about creating my own beauty. What is your 2012?

Day 1: Self Portrait

Well, I don’t consider myself a photographer. But, I wish I was.
Since I’m getting a new camera for Christmas, there’s no time like the present to start re-training the way I think about photos.

Now, I bob and weave behind the wheel of my car when driving in these neighborhoods, because obviously a moving target is a LOT harder to hit. Also on my January to-do list is update my will…and have a somewhat uncomfortable conversation with my ex about Mike, should I die. Yay January!

Today, I sat at my desk, reading twitter working hard and I had a sudden panic attack.  I married a man 6 years older than me…I might someday have to live without him. WHAT WAS I THINKING? As my heart raced, I sent him a text declaring that I had obviously made a grave mistake and what was I thinking…and OH MY HEAVENS, PLEASE DON’T DIE.

His response: “I’m going to live forever, baby. Go about your day.”

He gets me…and for THIS I am thankful.

2011 was one of the best, yet, for my family. I married the most

amazing man, who surrounds us with love and laughter every day.

I have been blessed with beautiful, smart and loving children who

are stronger than you’d ever guess.

May 2012 be better yet, for all of us and you!