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After the Diagnosis

Worth It — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:16:45 +0000

It’s no secret that my son has struggled with school. Every year, his father and I dread parent/teacher conferences. “He’s smart.” “He’s interesting.” “How do we keep him engaged in what the class is doing?” “What motivates him?” “He really needs to leave his free-reading books in his locker. He’s unable to put them down and pay attention in class.” “He seems unwilling to take notes.” “He needs to understand that he has to play by my rules.” EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.

This year, it got worse.

He’s always been smart. In fact, he’s smarter than most. He has more in common with Sheldon Cooper than he does with his father or me. We figured, over time, the other students would catch up. That eventually he’d fall into place with everyone else.That has not been the case, with grades, or with behavior. This year, we got him counseling. During all the chaos, he struggled even more with school. He became extremely depressed. Life got HARD. Shame on me for waiting for pure hell to get him help. The counseling has helped me to see that my son definitely struggles with attention more than most. It wasn’t a “phase”. It wasn’t because he was “just being a boy”. He CAN’T concentrate.

So now what?

We didn’t want to medicate him. We don’t want to change the cool kid he is. I am afraid that he’ll lose his edge, his humor and his quirkiness. His dad is afraid that he’ll be labeled, treated differently, and written off. But since we waited so long, he’s really old enough to start weighing in on these decisions. So we talked about what he heard. We talked about whether we should visit the psychiatrist, in addition to the therapist. We talked about whether he wanted to try being medicated. His answer…

“Mom, I want to try, but I don’t want it to take away my creativity.”

And so, with that, we’ll make the appointment. We’re all afraid of what it means, but we’re in this together. We all want the same outcome.

And above all, we ALL want him to stay the amazing, smart, quirky kid he is today. We just want it to be easier to be him.

Gratitude 2012

Worth It — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:16:08 +0000

This week, I chose to follow a wonderful woman’s lead and find every day ways to be grateful for things in my life. It just so happens, that this adventure started just days after opening my new Christmas present. My Olympus Pen PM-1. I’d already decided, approximately 3 minutes after opening my present, that I would learn to really use a camera this year. I said this would be the year for creating beauty. I might as well feel thankful about it along the way. I see photo opportunities all the time, now. I haven’t learned how to pull off the side of the road and take advantage of all of them, yet, but I’m getting better.

Much thanks to Karen, for making me see the beauty in everything around me.

That Little Voice

Worth It — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:21:51 +0000

I’ve read lots of blog posts lately about the little degrading voice we all have. And I’ve had some very public battles with mine lately. (Telling my little voice to “Pipe down, I got this”, while on the treadmill makes people look at you like you’re nuts. Just turn up your headphones…it’s fine) But lately, I’ve been listening to another voice. Once that tells me that I can do more. That I have something special to offer. That my story, while ordinary to me, is a bit extraordinary. And people need to hear what I have to say. I don’t know how to do it, yet. I don’t know if I will share my story here or in a more direct setting. I do know that I *may* have discovered that thing that sets me apart. That spirit I carry, to overcome, persevere and make a bad situation better. I do know that there a people that need to hear it, that WANT to hear it. I know that I can help people, which is all I’ve ever wanted.

Now, how do I make this little voice louder…without people thinking I’m nuts?

My Resolutions

Worth It — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:39:51 +0000

I have always made resolutions. Usually, they’re about losing weight or exercising more. This year, I’m doing it differently. I’m picking things that mean something to me.
1. Run 365 miles in 2012.
2. Publish 52 photos on my blog. Once a week…based on whatever new photography trick, tip or basic that I’m learning that week.
3. Drink more green tea, eat more fish, and dark chocolate.
4. Maintain my love for Pinterest.

My 2012 is about creating my own beauty. What is your 2012?

Thankful for the Little Things

Worth It — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 16:28:51 +0000

I do tend to worry…rather a lot. About silly things. Like the one time, I was in a rather unsavory neighborhood and my brain played a little scenario in which I was killed by a drive-by shooter, while driving my car. In my brain, my car slammed into an old building, the building caught fire. In my heart, I worried what would happen to my kids? I mean obviously they’d live with their dad, but would Mike get to see them? Would they continue to love him? All this in less than one city block.

Now, I bob and weave behind the wheel of my car when driving in these neighborhoods, because obviously a moving target is a LOT harder to hit. Also on my January to-do list is update my will…and have a somewhat uncomfortable conversation with my ex about Mike, should I die. Yay January!

Today, I sat at my desk, ~~reading twitter~~ working hard and I had a sudden panic attack. I married a man 6 years older than me…I might someday have to live without him. WHAT WAS I THINKING? As my heart raced, I sent him a text declaring that I had obviously made a grave mistake and what was I thinking…and OH MY HEAVENS, PLEASE DON’T DIE.

His response: “I’m going to live forever, baby. Go about your day.”

He gets me…and for THIS I am thankful.

Merry Christmas 2011

Worth It — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:13:22 +0000

2011 was one of the best, yet, for my family. I married the most

amazing man, who surrounds us with love and laughter every day.

I have been blessed with beautiful, smart and loving children who

are stronger than you’d ever guess.

May 2012 be better yet, for all of us and you!

Drowning

Worth It — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:52:21 +0000

I want to talk about this. I have so much to say and yet there are no words. I can’t believe this is my life. It is so much more than the trial. Her whole life has invaded my being. I can’t write my own feelings here because her kids and her exes are extremely online savvy. I can’t write my feelings here because no matter what they are these feelings alienate people. I have trouble voicing my feelings because there is no obvious truth, there is only a strange and ridiculous amount of coincidence.
I’m afraid for my ex and his future. It seems there is no man in this world that has crossed her path and come out on the other side ok. I’m afraid for my kids and for her kids….this whole thing is disruptive, bigger than we imagined, and messy. I’m afraid to speak up…those who have, get hurt. I’m afraid what will happen if I don’t speak up.
This has disrupted my children’s lives. This has made my already troubled son more worried, more angry, and more withdrawn. All I can do is love him. I’m helpless.
This has made my ex husband who has always had trouble being present even when he’s HERE…even less present.
This has made my daughter more like her father, disengaged.
And me…I am a planner…I don’t know what the future holds, let alone how to plan for it.
I am a worrier. Throw words like murder, extortion, custody battles, and reasonable doubt around and I never stop worrying. I wake up wondering what new information I will be forced to learn about.
I’m tired. I’m sadder than I’ve EVER been. And for the first time in my life, I don’t know what the answer is…and I certainly don’t have a plan.

Wordless Wednesday-New Niece Edition

Worth It — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 02:11:32 +0000

You Say It’s Your Birthday.

Worth It — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 21:30:33 +0000

Today is the birthday of one of the most amazing women I know. She’s the yin to my yang. She’s just like me…only better! So what do you get for your bestie? Especially when she has EVERYTHING she really needs and most of her wants. You get the world to celebrate her birthday…and so with a little help from

my friend Al Gore…

I had shoes made by her very favorite cobbler

A girl cannot get enough wonderful wishes from the only night news guy and his ambiguously gay friend.

And she’s so amazing that even the world’s most evil guys take a day off of the douchebaggery to celebrate.

Unfortunately, the leader of the free world was just devastated that he’s let the date slip his mind.

And last but not least…I couldn’t let the day go without a very loving shout out from her absolute fave!

I love you, lady. Have a most happy birthday!

As close as I’ll ever be to famous

Worth It — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 19:36:41 +0000

Ok. I was planning a big wedding post…and that I think, is still coming. But today, I opened my reader to see {real wedding} Angi and Mike. I thought…really, in Nebraska so close, there was another Angi and Mike. Nope, it was our wedding. Our photographer was chosen to post some pics from our day. Let me just say, that although I want to tell you a lot about the day. For today’s post, I’ll say it was perfect. Everything we’d both imagined. And I believe the photos show it. Go check it out, you guys. It’s the closest I’ll ever be to famous on the interwebz!