19 Aug 2010
by Worth Itin Humor, Love Tags: girl parts, Our Mike, sex, working out
That’s right, you heard me, Exercise kills your sex life.
What? You don’t agree? Well I have PROOF! Let me lay out the facts for you.
About 3 months ago, the man approached me about starting a kickboxing class at 6 am EVERY morning (except Sunday, my new favorite day) I agreed at the time, and also may have mentioned that it would be the end of our then very active sex life. It was all bravado. All smack talk. Just trying to get a rise out of him, if you know what I mean.
It was tough, and getting used to getting up at very early o’clock did hamper things quite a bit. I mean morning sex was out, because we were barely awake as we’d stumble out to the truck at 5:30 am. Evening sex was out because we were staring at each other at 7:30 hoping we could convince the kids it was much later and that they needed to go to bed. By the time the kids were actually asleep in bed, we’d already been mentally asleep for hours. Eventually, we worked out a new routine some mornings, but it just wasn’t what it once had been. And then came RAGBRAI. (For those of you who don’t know, it’s a week long 500+ mile bicycle ride across Iowa. It’s 1/3 bicycling, 1/3 beer, and 1/3 fresh baked pie) I didn’t go, but the man did. And he returned a broken man. I don’t know if you can imagine what happens to a guy who’s riding his bicycle about 65 miles a day for 7 days in a row…but yeah, that. Now, when he’s driving me crazy, I can call him “numb nuts” and he can’t complain. *WIN*
Many of you might be saying, that doesn’t seem like it would be all bad. And in fact, there is an upside…when we do find time to “get a little”, it’s never over quickly….EVER. So, the quickies that were getting us through the day…GONE.
So don’t exercise folks….it messes with your routine, it numbs your ass and other useful areas, it steals your energy for even a quickie before bed.
I’m telling you friends, this exercise crap is deadly…it can kill your sex life faster than you can say…numb nuts. So I’m back to surfing the web for a spectacular new “battery operated boyfriend” for me and a urologist for him.
If I can save even one happy sex life or prevent just one pair of balls from going completely and utterly numb, by sharing my story, well then I have done my part…
Thinking only of naked Ryan Reynolds sans crushed nuts you
Angi
12 Aug 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Happiness, Love Tags: Love, parenting
Since the day my oldest was born, I’ve been on the quest for the holy grail to earn the title of BEST MOM. EVER! We all do, to some extent. I, myself, am not competing with you specifically. I merely have an image of what a mom is supposed to be for her children, and I dream big. I have set a bar so high, that no one could rightfully reach it all the time. But I began striving immediately….Of course I would breastfeed. I made baby food from scratch for both of my babies. I didn’t put my career on hold, but it certainly played second fiddle. I read to them every night. I taught them to listen and appreciate music. I make elaborate birthday cakes or creative parties. I have sewn them , because we couldn’t find ones that they really wanted. I have searched high and low to create perfect made from scratch Halloween costumes. We eat dinner together, and usually it’s healthy food…but sometimes we just eat cereal for dinner. I laugh with them, play with them and most importantly discipline them so that they can grow up to be good human beings. Despite work requiring much of my time, I make commitments to my kids, in writing, that I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that the fact that their mother works they will not hinder them from being kids or participating in things. Sometimes that gets me in trouble at work, but to me, it’s worth it. I go on field trips with their schools, I meet them for lunch…because some day they won’t want me to. I watch my daughter in her dance class, when the studio allows. I’m sure I have other errands I should be running, but it means so much to both of us when I can be there. I support my son completely in his quest for his black belt. So much so that I trained with him to keep him pushing for bigger and better. It’s almost fun to do push-ups, sit ups or run…when you’re doing it to help your son become more than he is today. I sit at the table and do their homework with them, or review it when their done. I am present…even when it’s hard to be.
Some days, that bar I set seems so far out of my reach. I lose my temper. I yell when I should just walk away. I don’t leave us enough time and get all panicky and shouty when we’re running late. I CAN’T. STAND. THEIR. FIGHTING…and so I send them to their rooms for alone time, or make them sit on the couch and hold hands until I’m no longer frustrated. I forget things…lunches, bookfair money, early school dismissals, you know the drill. My biggest regret in my children’s life is that they will, for the rest of their lives, have two homes. In the days when my divorce was imminent, I don’t think that in my mind, I could even see the bar from where I was. But I made sure that I found a place that would be home for them. They each had their own room with their name over the door. There would be no mistake that they belonged and that it was home. It seems that it never gets easier, sharing custody of them. I never want to see them go. I call them every night they’re with their father. I regret not being able to read to them before bed (yes, even at 11 and 7 we still do that) tuck them in those nights and kiss my daughter’s head or ruffly my son’s hair. I am sad because I know that their father does not do these things with them.
What I have learned is that in this quest for the perfect mother award, I have tripped and fallen on my face more than I care to admit. I regret that I have to share my time with them and them with me. I have to be careful not to let these small moments keep me down. Because, what I do know is this…
I am the best mother for them that I know how to be.
I love them unconditionally.
Children need both a mother and a father…and while he may not nurture them like I do…I sure as hell am not going to pick up a snake and teach them all that I can about it.
No matter how much I want it, I will never be perfect; no one is. But I do know that I am the perfect mother for my children.
I may never win Mother of the Year accolades, but when my children look back on their childhood, they will remember me. Always by their side. Cheering them on. Teaching them right from wrong. Holding their hands. Treating their wounds. Laughing with them. Loving them wholly for who they are. For that, I will gladly accept an Honorable Mention.
07 Aug 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Happiness, Love Tags: Dreams, parenting
Today, my son tests for his black belt. I have been shuttling him from class to class, for 3 years and 3 months. It’s been a constant in our lives, three nights a week…even when school’s in session, when he choses to play baseball, or family functions are going on for everyone else.
I went with him for his first round of testing. Ran his two mile test with him in solidarity that I supported all of his hard work and effort so far. Today I will go and worry as he spars until he can physically move no more. I will pray as he is asked to demonstrate on command any of his demanding Tae Kwon Do forms. I will hide my eyes as he is called to break a brick. And I will stand proud with him at the end. I know he will do his best. I know he will focus on the end result. I know that he will perform with honesty, modesty, integrity and respect. And I know that he has built within him an indomitable spirit that will do anything he sets his mind to.
Over these last three years, he has learned to be dedicated to his training. He has done things that most 11 year old boys don’t consider. He has conditioned his mind and his body. I could not be more proud of him today as he goes through this 3 hour intense test, because I know that at the end of the day. He will have EARNED his first black belt.
09 Jul 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Love, Wedding Tags: Dreams, Love, relationships, vacation, Wedding
I dropped my kids off at their father’s at bed time and raced to his house for a celebratory drink and early bed time. **Side note: Who the HELL goes on vacation on a 5 am flight??? Me apparently** When I got there, much to my dismay, he was working. Because he’s a computer geek for a bank, his hours are highly variable. He assured me that he’d still have a drink with me, we’d just have to celebrate in the office, instead of the bedroom dining room. I poured us each a drink and went about putting the last few items in the bag. I was wrapping up my fidgeting and stopped in to see how his work was coming. I’ve almost got it, he said. I sat with him for what seemed like an hour, quietly watching him work. Then I kissed him on the head and told him I was heading to bed, as it was already 10 pm. I was going through my nightly routine when I heard him get up from his desk and head into the bedroom. I assumed he was giving up and turning in too. But when I got to the bedroom, he wasn’t there…he was back in his office. I teasingly chided him for being too committed to his job and started climbing into bed. He came in, grabbed me gently by the shoulders and turned me around. He said a few things, equally awkward and sweet, and then in the most tender way, asked me if I’d marry him. Now, with all the impending beauty of sunsets, beaches, oceans, boats, romance and RUM…this was the LAST thing I had expected, but I said the first thing that came to my mind. I said, “Of course I will.” It wasn’t a spectacular moment, not one for the history books or a Lifetime movie, but in his way, it was VERY romantic…and a moment I’ll never forget.
This is where one would assume the proposal was over, however, it wasn’t. After a sleepless night of anticipation, we were sitting quietly on the plane and he leaned over to me and whispered, “you never did actually say yes”. I grinned coyly at him and said, “I didn’t?” He assured me I hadn’t and repeated my words to him. With a twinkle in my eye, I said, “well if that’s the answer you’re looking for, you’re going to have to keep asking.” And ask he did.
Day 1: He asked when we landed in St. Thomas. “I’d love that”, I said.
Day 2: He asked as we watched the sunset from the balcony bar in the hotel. “Sure”, I giggled.
Day3: He asked on the boat, as we headed towards St. Johns. “Mmmhmmm,” I affirmed.
Day 4: He asked from atop the highest point on St. Thomas, as we shared an amazing rum drink and took in the view. “Okay!” I toyed with him.
Later that night, when we returned to our room, there was a live band playing on the patio directly below our balcony. We ordered drinks to the room and sat outside, listening to them play and reliving the amazing moments of our trip, thus far. The band slowed the tempo down and we danced together, so close and almost still, under the moonlight. It was at that moment, he said, “Will you marry me.” and the only answer I had for him was…yes.
28 Jun 2010
by Worth Itin Love, Wedding Tags: Dreams, Love, relationships
One of the first things I said after my divorce was, I’ll never get married again. And I really believed that. Mind you, I didn’t plan to grow old alone, but I wasn’t comfortable with letting the idea of being “married” and all the stress it put on my previous relationship happen to me again. Then slowly, I started to discover that neither the pomp and circumstance of a wedding, nor the vows of the marriage had dissolved what my ex and I had created. We did. We never talked about our feelings, we only yelled when we were angry. We didn’t hear what the other was saying, we just planned our next rebuttal. We were proud people, who forgot to build OUR team. We forgot to put each other first. We grew in different directions. When life handed us circumstances that made it easy for us to grow apart, we didn’t put our efforts into building a stronger US…we put our efforts into making ourselves more independent. We erased the need or desire to lean on the other person. It wasn’t marriage that did that, it was little choices that we made along the way. Unintentional choices, that chipped away and eroded our foundation.
So when Mike and I were first dating, I made some stupid off-hand comment about never getting married again. And for just a split second, a look of hurt flashed across his face. I never said those words out loud again…although, there was still a part of me that thought that. Then months later, we were arguing about something small, and we both recognized early on that it was me…carrying my baggage of my past relationship. He said to me, “I’m not him…let me make my own mistakes.” And it hit me, like a ton of bricks. Just because I’d failed once, didn’t mean I was destined to fail again. In fact, I was now armed with experience and knowledge of what can happen.” And so I let him be him…and he failed and I failed, but we did it together. And when we fail, we talk about it. And when we hurt one another, we talk about it. And when we are feeling lonely or needy, we tell one another. I learned to be vulnerable with him. That if I tell him my feelings, he will listen and he will HEAR me. I learned that a relationship is never cemented, it’s one day at a time. Every day a blessing, every day a battle, every day important. So Mike and I, we talk, every day. We talk about little things, we talk about big things. We share our frustrations of work. We share our successes at work or fitness or parenting. He and I, we’re a team…every day.
So when he asked if I would spend the rest of my life with him, the only answer I could have possibly given was yes. (Well, actually I said, sure…which led him to ask me about 6 more times over the next 4 days until he heard the answer he truly wanted, but that’s a story for another day.) Because, together we will build a marriage, one brick, one talk, one kiss, one day at a time. Never forgetting that to say I do, is to say I will, each day for the rest of my life.
Anxiously Engaged,
Angi
21 May 2010
by Worth Itin Happiness, Hobbies, Love Tags: Our Mike, Sandi, working out
Tonight I go in to take my first ever “BEFORE” photo. I will be in a swimsuit. FOR. A. PHOTO. Uh….CRAP! I don’t like pictures of myself in a swimsuit when I’m at a reasonable weight. I am NOT, currently, at a reasonable weight for me. But, I think the way to take this seriously and understand the life changes I have to make, I NEED to do this. So today, I take a picture.
Tomorrow, after going to the Goo Goo Dolls concert outdoors tonight. I go to do a pre-session physical capability test. Run a mile, do sit ups for one minute, do push ups for one minute, weigh in, take measurements, etc. (Clearly beer consumption will be limited, at best.)
THEN, after that, I am going to attempt to learn how to golf via instruction from my boyfriend and his buddy. I do NOT do well with being taught to do anything. CRAP! But, I HAVE to learn because my company golf outing is in two weeks and I have to take the place of my best friend. I have learned how to make bomb pop shots and will make breakfast burritos, so, although they are big shoes to fill….all that’s left is the “learning how to golf thing”. I’m really counting on getting those around me drunk enough that I don’t have to worry about it.
Why do I do this stuff to myself???
Masochistic Kisses,
Angi
13 May 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Happiness, Love Tags: Five for Ten, Love, Our Mike, parenting, working out
Having a partner that wakes you up for a 5:00 AM kickboxing class…because he knows that you will both have fun doing it together…and getting up and giving it your all, because you DO enjoy working out together.
Getting a Mother’s Day card from your daughter that simply states…”You make me smile”…and telling her that the sight of her face and the sound of her voice do the same thing for you everyday.
Flowers brought home and put in a vase, for no reason…and stopping to smell them, each time you pass by.
When your son is in a snuggling mood all day….even when he’s 11…and not letting the length of your to-do list push him away.
Coming home from the longest day ever, to find that the dishwasher has been emptied and reloaded…and thanking your family for helping to carry the load.
Being greeted at the door by your pets when you get home…they missed you so much while you were gone…and taking a moment to pet each one.
The smile from your kids when you show up somewhere they don’t expect you…and realizing that merely the sight of you brightened their day.
Being wrapped up in your lover’s arms… and taking the time to hug back.
Seeing your kids play together…without fighting…and stopping for a moment to enjoy the show.
When your best friend sends you a note, just to say she’s thinking of you…and taking the time to tell her you’re lucky to have her in your life.
Every day, something happens that allows for happiness. Choosing to acknowledge it, feel it and let it consume you is the difference between being happy and pursuing happy. It’s the everyday small things, that if we take the time to recognize how they make us feel, will keep us fulfilled and happy.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault
10 May 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Love Tags: Five for Ten
My ex husband wasn’t abusive. He wasn’t unfaithful. And he didn’t steal or drive us into insurmountable debt. But he wasn’t present….ever. When we first got married, he said he worked all the time so that when we had kids he’d be comfortable in his career path. Then after my son was born, he had a very important job, that mandated overnight work and often resulted in “emergent” situations. Plus, I had it handled. Then we moved, so that he could take a new job, one that wouldn’t require him to be at the office so many hours. Only that didn’t work out, because he started traveling and playing multiple intramural sports. Then we moved back “home”, so that I could get some help with the kids and he could try again to find a job that didn’t require endless hours at the office. I moved with the kids alone, for three months, then the job he took required that he travel….100%. He came home every other weekend to catch up on sleep and do his laundry. I raised the kids, worked full time and got my master’s degree all while he lived in Indianapolis or Houston or Minneapolis.
All along I made it work. I made my own family wherever we lived. I had dinner with my friends multiple times per week. I’d cook just so they’d come over and hang out with us. I found family for us wherever we went. My daughter grew up for the first 4 years of her live with her father living somewhere else and just visiting. It was a constant struggle. But surviving that was not the courageous part. Deciding to leave, deciding that my kids and I both deserved better was the courageous part.
I fretted over the relationship not working. I hated myself for wanting to leave a man who wasn’t abusive or evil in some way. But I hated being ignored, insignificant and alone. When he was out of town, he didn’t call or email. He’d call every couple of days at nearly midnight and try to talk. (I’m a morning person…and not 12 am morning…so THIS was not working) I felt unimportant. I felt like I served purposes for him that were merely secretarial in nature. We tried to understand each other. We tried talking about how I felt unhappy and alone. He couldn’t understand that. His answer was that he was working for all of us to have a roof over our head, etc. I tried to explain that I’d live with a smaller roof and less stuff, if it meant I had a partner. We talked at each other a lot. We didn’t communicated…we didn’t, either one of us, feel loved or respected. And so, we separated…and two years later, we divorced.
It was the hardest and best decision I’ve ever had the courage to make. My kids now spend 50% of their time with their father. He doesn’t travel except on the days that I have the kids. He’s made some very significant life changes so that he is available to them. I can’t say that there isn’t something there that doesn’t hurt. That it took me saying enough, for him to finally make the needed changes, stings. But my kids get to grow up with their dad, and for that I am eternally grateful.
And I, finally have a partner. Someone who shares the load with me. Who loves me unconditionally. Who looks forward to coming home and talking with me every night. I have someone who wants to provide emotional, physical, social AND economic support. And if that means we don’t have the HUGEST house or the most toys….we’re okay with that, because we have love and support.
There are many who think that divorce is a result of being weak or cowardice; even once, that might have been me. And it’s not what I consider ideal. I wish that my kids’ Dad and I had made a better team, but I can tell you without a doubt that both he and I are happier. That my kids are loved beyond their wildest imagination. And that the courage I had to admit defeat, gave them their father and gave me the chance to know real love.
Join me and the others at Momalom for Five for Ten.
03 May 2010
by Worth Itin Getting Started, Hobbies, Love Tags: Getting Started
Last Friday, I had a discussion via Twitter, with PrincessJenn. It all started when someone was looking for design help. I piped up and said that PrincessJenn was “teh awesome”. We exchanged just a few quick pleasantries, but the senitment stayed with me all day. I mentioned that when I became a “real blogger” I would have her redesign this place. She said this, and it started me thinking. Why wait? I’d love to be a real blogger, honestly. But, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see a blogger.
I see myself as the middle management executive in a huge company…working painstakingly for “the man”.
I see myself as a pretty awesome Mom to two very awesome children.
I think I make a decent girlfriend, as long as you can handle the occasional undefined bad mood…and the drama that I don’t FEEL like I bring on myself. 
I am a sister and a daughter to two AMAZING women…and am lucky to be considered a BFF by two fabulous friends.
But I feel like an imposter in the blogging world. I love this place and this one too. I love to write. I I want to be able to tell a story as beautifully as Maggie, take amazing, beautiful one of a kind photos that tell real stories like Casey, stir emotion like Heather, make people laugh like Shauna or prove a point like Jenn. I don’t…yet. I’ve decided that writing/blogging is like anything else in life. You have to put in the time and you have to practice. Maybe someday, when I grow up, I’ll be able to tell a story like all of the amazing women I’ve found on the internet. But for now, I’m going to practice. I’m going to use ALL of your voices as inspiration to do something that I love, simply because I love it. And mark my words someday, Princess Jenn will make this site…AMAZING.
Inspired to write,
Angi
29 Apr 2010
by Worth Itin Family, Happiness, Love, Stress Tags: Our Mike, parenting, work
We like our bike
It’s made for three
Our Mike sits up in back you see
We like our Mike
and this is why
Mike does all the work when the hill gets high….*
It’s been a tough couple of weeks around our house. It’s baseball, tae kwon do, AND dance recital time. We’ve had tae kwon do three nights a week, baseball practice and baseball games. We had pictures for dance. Usually, this is a lot of work, but not a problem because I can manage work/life balance pretty well. This year, however, I had my company’s largest customer meeting, in New Orleans, during this time. I had presentations to create, presentations to review and all the prep work for being away from the office for three days.
Despite all these extra things, this year,has been better….better because we have our Mike. And when the hills of responsibility and duty have gotten high, he’s pushed us all up them.
Thank you, Mike. We all appreciate who you are and what you’ve done for us.
We love you.
*From Dr Seuss’s One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
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